Welcome to my pre-GAP year summer:
April: I interviewed for a job teaching a summer session at a school where I had been volunteering as a writing tutor for the past year. It was a pleasant surprise--the English teacher had recommended me. I was excited but also a bit daunted at the idea. I decided just to let it play out as it would.
May: Anticipating life as a college graduate, I resolved to stay in my apartment in Oakland over the summer. I aimed for a summer full of solitary reflection. Lack of immediate jobs (and no word from the school) forced me to scrap this plan and move home and resume my job there are Pier 1.
June: I started working at Panera. In Oakland. (Surprise! Back to plan A!) My life became a flurry of waking up at 5 AM, making lattes for six hours, then rushing down McKnight to sell candles and unbelievable range of products with owls on them.
Two weeks later, I get an email from the school, offering me a job teaching World History (Say what? Plan Pre-A?!). I, with my pretty little bachelor degrees in literature and writing, accepted it. I was told I would have textbook and a curriculum. No problemo. I did something I never thought I would do: I quit a job after three weeks. I also discovered that I actually did not have a curriculum or books.
Welcome, July: a flying blur of lesson planning, researching, grading. I flubbed classroom discipline and learned quite a lot about evil dictators in North Africa. I also learned a lot of new slang words, none of which I shall post in this blog. Add working at Pier 1 and moving out of the apartment into the mix, and things were a bit hectic.
After four weeks, school ended, a phrase I have never before uttered with such enthusiasm. Now I'm looking towards summer camp (approaching in a dizzying two days) and Michigan (approaching in a whip-lash inducing two weeks).
The short version: I'm pooped. I have no idea what's going on anymore. Whatever this summer was (I am still not sure), it was definitely not entirely solitary reflection. I managed to glean a few nuggets though:
1) My own strength is insufficient. I need a lot of reminding in this department. Hence, this is probably a more valuable lesson for me to learn than any other. This summer I have felt inordinately Bilbo Bagginsy (like butter stretched over too much bread). Most days, the only thing that got me through was morning prayer time and daily Mass each evening. And, of course, all those little moments in between when I managed to find God, the only constant in my tumultuous storm of details and events. An adjustment to a divine perspective changes everything.
A corollary lesson: I am quite dependent on other people. Words of encouragement have fed my soul. A quick and much needed bailout has been there to give me a boost when necessary. The amount of financial and prayer support I've received for my GAP year has been tremendous. It awes me--these people are willing to help carry me. It's watered my trust and loosened my grasp on control.
2) You can only get manna in the desert. Maybe it was those 3 weeks working in a bakery, but for some reason I can't stop thinking about manna. I keep hearing brief reflections on it and turning over the idea in my mind. There have been a lot of those moment when soul crinkles in irratation and my thoughts get rumbly and grumbly. It struck me, rather forcefully, that I can't be fed miraculously unless my sources for natural food have been cut off. Silly Katie. Moral of the story: watch what you pray for.
3) The concept of "rest" works a bit differently on an eternal schema. Turns out that when God wants you to keep going, grace is there, whether you think the pace is appropriate or not.
On an ending note, this is my beautiful house for next year. I can't wait!
